Being needy for the Kingdom

La Jolla sunset from this past weekend :3

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom. (Proverbs 11:2)

I can touch on a lot of things that God has used to check my pride in the past few weeks, but having to fundraise definitely takes the cake. Growing up in an Asian-American household has taught me to fiercely value individual and financial independence, and maybe keep Jesus somewhere in the loop if you're Christian. I get the filial responsibility mindset from my Chinese heritage, and the self-supporting independence from my American roots. Combined, I was taught to always put myself and family first (sometimes even at the cost of God and others). I too, want a stash of life-trophies that can show off my successes and charitable deeds. But when I look at Jesus, the world's definition of a failure, He completely reverses that ideology and forces me to rely on the grace of God and others instead of myself. There needs to be less of me in order for there to be more of Him. This has got to be one of the tougher lesson God has been drilling in me. 

Anyone who has gotten to know me knows that I hate anything or anyone being needy, so submitting to this position God asks of us in is such a daily battle! However, the reality of the gospel means learning to rely on God's grace for everything. After all, Jesus was the homeless, social reject who even told His disciples to "take nothing for their journey except a staff- no bread, no bag, no money in their belts- but to wear sandals and not put on two tunics" (Mark 6:8-9) I mean like wow holy bananas at least I'll be living off $12,000 and two suitcases. Talk about being needy for the kingdom.

But being needy comes with it's coolness factor, I guess. Because when I start being needy/dependent on Christ, I start allowing Him to work in amazing ways. When I grow discouraged I like to think of a priest named George Muller, who founded an orphanage that housed 1,722 children. Determined to rely solely on prayer and faith, he never asked for financial support, and never went into debt. There is a famous instance in which one morning, there was no food for the orphans but they prayed anyways as normal. Once they finished the baker knocked on the door with bread for everyone because he felt God prodding him to do so the night before. One of my favorite quotes of his is: "Faith does not operate in the realm of the possible. There is no glory for God in that which is humanly possible. Faith begins where man's power ends." How cool is that? How cool is God?

Although in a far less dramatic way, this is also a lesson I learned during the Los Angeles Urban Project (LAUP) when we all lived off $35.00 a week each. It was so little, it made us realize that when we are provided for, it was out of God's grace because we had no means to do so ourselves. Having daily reminders of God's provision was so life-giving, even though from a material standpoint we had much less than we were used to. Only in these situations can I truly understand what Paul means when he says in 2 Corinthians "Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord." And I know, that with every blessing, every provision is a gift from God because I have so little control over my life right now. In this moment, had I been able to provide for myself and my family, it's so likely that I would let my own tiny victories cloud God's eternal glory. 

So, like many other recent grads in the millennial generation, I constantly find myself asking the same question: "Why am I broke?" "What am I doing with my life?" The bad news is, I don't really have an idea! But the good news is that I know God does, that He provides, and will continue to provide. 20th century song-writer Bill Gaither's hymn Because He Lives says: "Because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living, just because He lives." And if I really believe that what the Bible says is true, I want to live every day like I really believe that God is enough for me, that being needy for the Kingdom is truly worth it.

love, me :)

It's Happening!

Hello friends! Well, I did it- I finally booked my ticket to land in the Kilimanjaro airport to Arusha, Tanzania!

My flight is set for December 2, and I will be returning early June of 2015. While I am resting from my wisdom teeth surgery last week, I am busying myself with book illustrations, getting documents together for my arrival in Tanzania, and fundraising. And as always before I go abroad somewhere for a lengthy amount of time, I can't really wrap my mind around the fact that in a month, I will be wandering somewhere in the land of giraffes. Here are some prayer requests that I have for the week:

1. Although everything else is wrapping up nicely, due to much transition I haven't had much time to dedicate to fundraising. As a result, I am still about $6,000 short of my $12,000 budget (Tanzania is a lot more expensive to live in than you'd expect.) Please pray that God will provide for the remaining funds (as He always does), and that I will continue to have faith in Him in the meantime.
2. Pray about whether or not you might be an answer to that prayer by partnering with me financially (donation link here: http://rpecinternational.org/donate/)
3. Pray about my faith, that I will continue to rely on God's strength, not my own, and His wisdom, not my own. Especially post-graduation it is easy for me to see Tanzania as my own self-realization trip instead of a partnership and service to Jesus. I need to "press on towards the goal" (Philippians 3:14)
4. That I will have ample time to say goodbye to friends and family in Los Angeles before I leave. Part of the challenge of going to Tanzania for so long is that I know I will eventually become very homesick for LA and my friends here. This city has been my home for the past 4 years and doesn't feel quite right to fly off without a proper goodbye. 

from Skid Row to Santa Monica - everything about LA is beautiful to me

Spending time with Jesus: Post-Grad Version
In the meantime, I have been reflecting on my post grad life, which can be summed up into 3 different sections so far: post-graduation, the Los Angeles Urban Project, and pre-Tanzania. Aside from my participation in InterVarsity's Los Angeles Urban Project, it has been very difficult to maintain my spiritual life, and it is only talking to a wise mentor that I realized why this was. Life with Jesus isn't meant to be spent alone, throughout the Bible, starting from Genesis, to Kings, to Paul's letters, to the churches mentioned in Revelations, being a Christian is meant to take part in community.

While I was at USC, I was surrounded by community- my Christian sorority, InterVarsity, the United House of Prayer, etc. I also lived with my accountability partner, whose encouragements to me as a sister was invaluable. Within community I was challenged, pushed to grow, and held accountable for my walk with Jesus. The Los Angeles Urban Project provided me with the same strong community that constantly reminds me of how awesome Jesus is.

all my favorite people #ivtcf

Outside of college, not so much- it's easy to lose the convictions that I held onto so strongly in college. Our culture is full of reminders of how awesome I can be, if I do the right things, work the right job, look the right way, say the right things. It's easy even to twist my trip to Tanzania as something that glorifies myself, not the God who inspired me and challenged me to take this leap of faith. Living apart from community is like fighting a battle uphill because so many things in our culture pushes me to live for myself, when Jesus pushes us to live for others and for Him.

Thankfully, although I am quite the nomad for a while until Tanzania, God has really blessed me by giving me a place to stay at my aunt's, and at my friend Becky's in Los Angeles. In these two places I am able to witness daily the joy that radiates from a household of whom Christ is head. The selflessness that these two families have shown me is a constant encouragement and reflection of the love I experience from Jesus. Furthermore, my aunt is amazing in requesting that we do daily morning devotions together- it's like having a workout buddy who will drag you to the gym on the days when you really don't want to go.

So all in all, I am doing well, a little nervous about the trip, but gradually learning now to manage my many free hours wisely, and keep Jesus in the center of everything I do. It's a struggle, but by now I've pretty much learned that everyday is a day on the strugglebus. :) A note to self is to place finding community as #1 priority when I get to Tanzania. I know that it has made all the difference to me while I lived in Italy!

TZ bucketlist: to walk into a view like this- too hopeful?

p.s. hit me up if you want to hang out before I peace out of the country!

Post Grad and Pre Tanzania Thoughts

Hmmm, so much has happened within the past few months that I am not sure where to begin. I’m currently sitting near a coffeeshop by the Walt Disney Concert hall typing out my thoughts, and it is strange to think that in barely a little more than a month I should be hopping on the plane to somewhere far, far away-

my view of the Disney Concert Hall in downtown LA

Like Arusha, Tanzania! Although I am trying my best, I don’t know how well I am actually balancing post-grad life, a new relationship, and preparing for a 6 month trip to a very foreign country. Throw in a cousin’s wedding in Toronto, wisdom teeth surgery, couch surfing for months, illustrating a children’s book, and fundraising for more than 10k, and you have a very curious mix of what has been my life for the past 3 months.

sharing about my trip at CAC in North Carolina :)

By far the most challenging aspect of post-grad life and transitioning thus far is maintaining my faith and keeping a steady grip on my beliefs. Without my community of ADX, Intervarsity, and the safe student bubble of USC, it is difficult to remain disciplined and on the move- much less constant in my spiritual walk. It is too easy for me to become so focused on my missions trip to Tanzania that I forget the purpose behind it- which is to spread the hope and love found in Jesus.

derping with my (not so) baby cousin in Toronto

Then again, I think that just goes to show how we live in a society that forces us to work so hard we forget what our original dream was. I guess, when it comes down to it all, I need to keep remembering that my going to Tanzania is a step in faith, trusting that for whatever reason, God has called me to Tanzania right now.

finally settled down (a little) in San Diego with some tea, cakes and fruits

In the midst of all this transition though, I have really grown to appreciate the relationships and mentors who have helped me hold on to who I knew myself to be creative, driven, with strong beliefs and occasionally quite spontaneous and random in my preferences.

Prayer requests in the next month include prayers for my safety in Tanzania, fundraising (currently at a little over 50%), and a steady walk with Jesus.

<3 Kayee

I'm off to find a pet Giraffe

Hello there cyber friends!

It's almost been two years since I last posted, and although I originally intended this blog to be only focused on my traveling adventures in Italy, I decided to expand it and revive it to include my other adventures abroad!

As many of you know, my next stop is going to be in Arusha, Tanzania, where I will be living for 6 months. I just got back from a missions trip in Skid Row through the Los Angeles Urban Project, and now I'm about to jump right back into fundraising. So yeah, life is kind of daunting right now especially since I just graduated and am currently floundering around Los Angeles. In many ways I feel like a little fish that has been tossed into a big ocean of sharks. And right now this little fish is headed towards East Africa, to the land of Giraffes and Lions and really tall mountains.

my really awesome LAUP team

In my preparation with PAOC, my sending organization, and Pamoja Ministries, the media team whom I will be working with, I realized that I really don't know much about Tanzania. I googled a few images of Tanzania, and this is most of what I came up with:

There have also been a surprising number of giraffe pictures, so I don't know what that means, maybe I'll come back to LA with a pet giraffe or something. After all, I just googled this and discovered that the giraffe is Tanzania's national animal! Cool!

Regardless, it's clear that I need to do my homework on Tanzania, and I have a long laundry list of paperwork to do, vaccinations, fundraising, etc. etc. Because everything is still up in the air, and Africa is such a foreign place to me, I still haven't gotten it in my head that I will be halfway around the world, animating, wrapping my head around Swahili, and being a real mid-term missionary in a few months! 

I know it's early and I don't have much set up yet, but dear internet friends, please be praying for me and for the trip! There is a lot that I don't know and many challenges that I still have to face. But I'm excited to embark on another adventure again, this time in Africa- and I know that this is where God has called me to, right now. A friend of mine once told me that God's calling is where your passion and a need intersect, and right now it's intersecting in Arusha, Tanzania. 

peace out homies! 

Kayee

p.s. I am just getting everything set up this week, so be on the lookout for a support letter and donation links!

Mi Mancherai, Italia

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back?" - The Return of the King

In 2 days I will be on my way home to the states, and this quote pretty much sums everything I am feeling.

Some of my friends just left this morning for the US, and it is taking every ounce of me not to sink into a stupor and complete heartbreak over leaving a place filled with so many amazing experiences. In the past few weeks I have traveled to Rome, Montesilvano (south of Italy) for a completely Italian Christian conference, and I just got back from Munich, Germany a few days ago.

It's difficult trying to balance the flood of emotions I am feeling right now in the midst of juggling packing, finals, saying last goodbyes etc. The closer I am to returning home, the more I am beginning to realize how much I have changed since coming here. I see the world in a different light. I have gained a broader sense of the world, experienced different cultures, picked up a different language, and developed a better understanding of myself and people in general.

For one of the first times in many years, I needed time alone to explore and figure myself out. I loved meeting friends but realized an ever greater need for self-discovery and refocus. In a society that is so defined by (and at times overly-dependent on) relationships and community, I have learned in Italy the beauty and enriching experience of simply being alone with my thoughts. Me, myself, and I. And I do believe that time I spent alone has made me a better person- more confident, more independent, more aware, more passionate, more understanding, and more loving.

Looking back I realized that my posts have grown increasingly more reflective, but perhaps that is appropriate. I have finally learned to see Italy beyond the tourist bubble. It is more than simply breathtaking landscapes, incredible food, the renaissance culture, castles, cave jumping and postcard-worthy paradises. Italy is a unique culture comprised of a people so rooted in their history. Florence is like any culture; flawed and ugly in areas but also heartwarming and so captivating in others. The prowling men, poop on the streets, expensive water, and chaotic traffic I won't mind leaving. However, it is becoming increasingly more difficult coming to terms with the fact that I am leaving a culture so rich with art, history, and tradition. I will miss the ability to walk everywhere in the city past ancient buildings, delicious pastries and cappuccinos in the morning/gelato in the evening, I will miss the ability to travel around Europe and experience different cultures. I will miss the opportunity to practice speaking in a language that is not my own, and most of all, I will miss all the local Italian friends that I have made here.

The generosity with which many Italians have welcomed myself and my American friends has been astounding. Despite our broken Italian, I have made many Italian friends with whom I can happily exchange cultural differences and similarities over a cup of coffee or a plate of risotto. The beautiful truth I have learned from Italians here is the fact that even though we may have language and cultural barriers, the universal language of love, laughter, friendship, and kindness is almost never misunderstood. We are all human, capable of being loved, being hurt. We all have similarities and stories to tell. Che bella verità ho trovato! 

Love love love these girls

My Italian fellowship

And more people!

Ruth and I braving the wind in Montesilvano Beach

Miss this girl Laura already!

This will probably be my last post in Florence, given the amount of things I have to do before I leave. I have so much to say about my travels for Rome, Germany, Montesilvano etc, but at this time I don't think I can bring myself to reflect on so much just yet. My heart is torn between my love for this city/people and my excitement to see familiar friends and faces back in the States.

In some ways I am nervous about coming back a changed person, but at the same time I am excited to pick up a new chapter of my life. I am glad to say that in retrospect I have no regrets whatsoever about Italy. I have traveled to 5 different countries, adapted to a different culture, learned to speak conversational Italian, discovered a local Italian community/fellowship, dramatically improved my cooking (one of my proudest achievements :3 ), became a better artist, eaten tons of good food; the list goes on and on. I'm at a loss for words for my experience here, so I guess I'll end this last post in Florence with a few pictures from the past four weeks.

Pretending to Renaissance classy at the coliseum in Roma

Visiting a good friend Jakob in Munich!

Drinking amazinggg hot chocolate in La Cite- a local hipster coffeeshop

Going to miss wandering around olive groves and the rolling hills of Florence

Grazie, Firenze per tutti

Con tanto amore,
Kayee

Muggles in London

Dear world, 

Hello from some thousand miles in the European sky! I am currently typing up this entry as I am flying home to Florence from London. 

I am gradually growing more and more aware of the little time I have left here. I am starting to think about preparing for my departure on the 20th of December. Without realizing it, I had already planned trips for all of my weekends up until then. In other words, I have no more Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays in Florence- a thought that is both heart-wrenching and thrilling at the same time, because I will have no more lazy weekends to enjoy, but more traveling means more adventures! This past weekend I went to London, next week I will be going to Rome, then southern Italy for an Italian Christian conference, and I will be in Munich three days before I head back to the states. It's going to be a crazy month and I find myself hoping that I will somehow survive this crazy schedule in the midst of finals/packing. But I am also so, so excited! Maybe its the go hard or go home mentality that I picked up from USC :) 

London was an amazing city, and I'm so glad that I decided to travel here with my friend Ruth Le and Alex Lopez when I did. Out of all the cities I had been to, London was most similar to the United States culturally, so it was a good beginning transition to prepare myself for home. It was strange to see so many familiar stores and chains again, such as chipotle, KFC, and my personal favorite, Starbucks! Another shocker that I had was realizing that I could understand what everyone said and had no trouble at all communicating because you know, everybody speaks English in the UK. It's an obvious statement but having close to no language barriers was like taking a gulp of fresh air after speaking broken Italian/Spanish/sign language for three months! I kept going into museums or metro stations expecting to find street signs and information plaques written in a foreign language. 

Bringing holiday cheer from Londra! (Note the starbucks)

Call me maybe?

Big Ben and Parliament!

So, London was also another city I fell in love with. Being a huge Harry Potter nerd also heightened my excitement because I would walk around the city half convinced that everything was made of magic. I'll admit that I was definitely hoping to catch a glimpse of a wandering wizard or witch. Besides Harry Potter, I had forgotten how many of my favorite stories and films took place in london, like V for Vendetta, Peter Pan, Doctor Who, Alice in Wonderland, and Mary Poppins! I'm not sure if I enjoyed London or Paris more. Paris was certainly more beautiful but London was so festive with the Christmas decorations (there were TONS of advertisements for Dreamwork's new movie Rise of the Guardians,) and the locals I met were always so jolly and friendly! Maybe it was because the British have a much better impression of Americans than the French do. And to top off the weekend, my friends and I got matinee tickets to see the London musical for Les Miserables- one of my favorite books in the world. (I might have cried a little.) I would absolutely love to live here for a year or so if the cost of living did not do so much damage to my bank account. 

Stumbled into the world's oldest mystic and occult bookshop- I probably could have been shopping for Hogwarts

I couldn't leave London without visiting platform 9 3/4 at Kings Cross!

SANDMAN!

Post-Les Miserables in the Queen's Theatre

"To love another person is to see the face of God." - Victor Hugo

High tea/Christmas tea

had to have my share of scones and clotted cream

because I am the princess of Buckingham palace

As much as I loved traveling around Europe and getting a taste of different cultures, the United Kingdom was a good break for me. I was so incredibly happy walking around Covent Garden with my tall holiday toffee latte from Starbucks, and purchases from the local sweet shops while looking at English teas and gawking at the huge Christmas tree in the plaza. It reminded me of a combination of Paris and New York city with a dash of British flair/humor. Perhaps it's the holiday spirit of London and the sound of English speakers everywhere that is gently tugging at my heartstrings and reminding me of christmas at home. I wont deny that it was extremely difficult to leave london because i had grown so attached to it in only 3 short days. But, the thought of my upcoming trips in the next few weeks makes it hard to be too sorry. I still have about three more weeks of more art, more learning, more seeing, and more adventures and traveling! 

goodbye, magical London!

And we're about to land so I think I'll end this here before the flight attendant lady yells at me. 

Con tanto amore, 
KE

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Where do I even begin? It’s been more than two weeks since I returned from my fall break where I toured Paris, Barcelona, and Milan with a group of friends. Since then, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting on my time here because I am now officially more than halfway through the semester in Florence. The thought of returning back to the states so soon is quite a sobering thought, and I am gradually beginning to see how much my time here has changed and shaped me. Italy is teaching me how to grow up.

But first... fall break! I think I could spend forever talking about all the little adventures I had in Paris, Barcelona, and Milan. Paris was by far my favorite because it is such a gorgeous city-I can see why everyone is so in love with it. I loved the little bookshops (especially the Shakespeare and Co. Bookstore), the quaint little areas... everything is so filled with history, art, literature and a sense of refinement and poetry. Contrary to the "stuck-up" French stereotype, many Parisians whom I've met here were very friendly to me despite my inability to speak French. Granted, some still had a bit of an arrogant air to them, but the city and atmosphere of France is so beautiful that I'm not sure I can blame them for being so proud and protective of their culture.

Breathtaking view of the Seine river- this may have been the moment I fell head over heels in love with Paris

stained glass windows in the Sant Chappelle Cathedral

Shakespeare and Company books!!!! (Ruth took these in secret :) )

Me about to explore my favorite little place in Paris (they have a piano!!!)

Ruth and I in front of the Bastille

Oh you know, just chillin with Mona Lisa

Moulin Rouge apparently is still up and running

Notre Dame and Quasimodo hunting

and of course, I have to put an Eiffel Tower picture in here

trying to stay warm in front of the Louvre

Barcelona was also an amazing city with wonderful architecture and great nightlife. I stayed there for Halloween (and dressed up as an American Indian). That night, we almost made it to the club until my friends and I got distracted by the sound of the Mediterranean ocean nearby. So, obviously, we ditched the dancefloor and ran barefoot towards the ocean in our Halloween costumes! I spent Halloween night frolicking around the Barcelona beach dancing as a little native American, which was clearly a better evening than any club in Europe could have given me. The rest of Barcelona was also equally as amazing, we saw a bunch of the Gaudi architecture all over the city, and I couldn't help thinking that I was walking in a huge gingerbread/candy land. Apparently this is where Disney got the inspiration for their newest film: Wreck-it-Ralph! So cool. Our hostel was also incredible and made half of our experience because coming home to them every night felt like coming home to family. So if anyone ever goes to Barcelona I wholeheartedly recommend staying at Hostel One Sants- they are some of the sweetest people ever. I did get quite a shock in Spain though because people spoke Spanish as well as another dialect called Catalan. It's definitely not the same as traveling to Latin America or speaking spanish Los Angeles! Even though I was in Spain, the foreign words of the Catalan language still made me feel like I was in a different country. 

Beautiful Barcelona

secret: that dress was 3 euro

Parc Guell, aka Gingerbread city

La Sagrada Familia- please note the funny little fruits/vegetables in the architecture, they were my favorite!

Halloween in Barcelona!!! p.s. the man baring his chest was one of the Hostel Staff joining our little party

Finally, after Barcelona my friend Lindsey and I spent a day in Milan before heading home to Florence (it's strange that I'm able to finally call Florence home). We spent most of the time in the Design Museum of Milan and ended up sketching a bunch of people around the city. It was a pretty chill day, since we were already pretty traveled-out.

Playing mirror games in the Design Museum

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Today is the day after election day (but by the time I post this it will probably be even later). It’s strange though, the first election that I participated in was spent in Europe. I found it surprising to see how many Italians (and other non-Americans) cared about the election. Watching the election from Europe was especially significant to me because it meant that I am reaching the age where it is my turn to start taking part in shaping the world. The responsibility and weight of carrying the future is slowly being passed down to my generation--and I was experiencing it in the midst of a different culture. It’s a very exciting, yet humbling and frightening thought. 

Being in Europe, and planning/traveling around fall break especially has further reinforced the concept that I am no longer a clueless 16-year old traveling with her parents—letting them figure out transportation, budget, etc. I am booking trips, exploring Europe independently, learning about others and myself and realizing that with every passing day, I am gaining more responsibility as an adult. I’ve learned that traveling takes quite a bit of courage, risk, curiosity, flexibility, and level-headedness (is that a word?). There are so many instances where you run into strange and unexpected situations: people get lost, trains close early, the airport is too far away, and everyone is speaking in different languages. These were lessons that no amount of studying at SC could have taught me.

being silly in the olive groves of Fiesole

Even though I came to USC as a “young adult,” I know now that the atmosphere of being surrounded by my peers, professors, and mentors spoon-fed me in many ways. Room and board; mentorship; assistance with financial, medical, and other needs were provided and readily available to me. However, being in another country such as Italy means that most of the time, I’m left on my own to figure things out. Thus, my sense of independence, time-management, flexibility and critical thinking has strengthened considerably while abroad. I know that many of my friends here have discovered the same growth in themselves.  

And what else? I am trying to get the most out of my month left here because time is going by so fast. On one hand I am so excited to go home, but on the other, Florence is also becoming such a familiar and welcoming place to me. Lately I’ve been learning to make the most out of every Florentine day I have left to spend, but also cherish the memories I have in Los Angeles. I’ve discovered that sometimes it’s the moments in the past that can bring out the richest experiences of the present.

"not all who wander are lost"

Con tanto amore,
Kayee